I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize