what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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