Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm bleeding and have questions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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