Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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