no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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