but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize