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I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
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