He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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