Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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