I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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