Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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