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This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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