It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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