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dude i'm inner monologue high
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tonight lets celebrate not being married
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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