new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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