My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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