Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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