The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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