I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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