Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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