the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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