A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the condom got lost in my hair
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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