my mouth tastes like poor choices
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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