Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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