dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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