you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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