you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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