dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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