The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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