So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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