Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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