i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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