He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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