WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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