You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize