I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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