Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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