"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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