did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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