What did we do last night that was yellow?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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