I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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