ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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