I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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