i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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