Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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