I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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