so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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