Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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