I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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