Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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